I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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