I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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