Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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