you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
