I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
