I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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