So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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