I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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