I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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