Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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