i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
