Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
