Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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