she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
