I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
