"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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