I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
