oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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