exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
