I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
