I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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