I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
