uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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