Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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