tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
