that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
