I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
