We named our party play list daddy issues
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
