That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
