Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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