D3 body, D1 cock
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
