Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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