I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
