It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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