im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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