i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
