BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
