My nipple is on Facebook.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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