If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
