I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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