two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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