What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
