i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
