I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
