I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
