so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
