Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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