tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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