I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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