I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
