we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
