i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
